I saw Lord Jesus - Aku melihat Tuhan Yesus

[Translated to English by Luciana Budiman]

Dear my Beloved Friends,

In the Month of February, 2005, I had a real burden that was poignantly lingering in my heart and mind, and it is related to the incident that has happened the year before when I encountered an extraordinary experience, where I met the Lord Jesus face to face.

I was so hesitant as to how to share this story but after thinking and rethinking of this over one year, I now brave myself to write this draft of testimonial. In 2004, I actually have written in AyahBunda mailing list about my being sick and admitted in UKI Hospital, but I just didn’t write that I also had experienced an encounter with the Lord.

It really happened. I do not dare to add or to delete anything from the things I have witnessed, because we will stand before the supreme court of Lord Jesus to testify everything that we have done while we were on this earth. And I do know that this experience is for myself and it is not to be used as a doctrine, as all teachings must be based on the Holy Bible.

Lord Jesus, please forgive me because I have delayed what I have promised you. Forgive me, Lord.

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Before February 2004, I always thought that I was a pretty good and diligent Christian who went regularly to church (Gereja Kristen Pasundan dan GKI Depok) and was very active in the Christian mailing lists. But I had one big problem that later on changed my life. The truth is that I was NOT SURE whether my sins had been forgiven and that I was SAVED when I said I believe in Jesus Christ!

Every single day I asked myself that if I die now, where would I go? Is it true that Jesus is the only way to heaven? Maybe I am actually going downhill to the dark hell because I am not the chosen one and that I will be forever scorched and burnt in hell? These thoughts kept haunting me and I dared not ask any of these in Christian mailing list. I could only search articles I could get from the internet. Praise the Lord that I worked in a Network Integrator company where it provided 24 hour internet access and so I was able to surf in internet for articles to help the “remedy” for my sick faith because of unbelief.

I am sure that among you, friends, there is a few like me, who are not sure about your salvation but yet you have confessed that you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ!

Day by day I kept reading more and more “hard-line” articles where among them was from GKRI Exodus website which is from a strict reformed denomination. One article I read over and over was about “Can Christians Lose Their Salvations?”. And what shaken me to the core was when I read the part where Rev. Budi Asali MDiv said that if you are not sure about your salvation, you have a problem with your faith. I was so distraught with it that I even emailed to Rev. Budi Asali to consider my resigning from current job and Theology Academy to be full time minister, but his answer was that not all people were called for full time ministry. I became more troubled and confused about my situation.

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Early February 2004, I suffered high fever. My wife admitted me to the Emergency Unit of UKI Hospital straight away due to the fact that there were many dengue cases in Jakarta. So I thought maybe I got dengue. I went in UKI hospital with CAR insurance from my company and was given a private room in Merpati section.

They put me on a drip and for the first few days my body temperature went up and down unstable. And after the 4th day, I felt my body getting better even though I still had fever. That was Sunday and I thought if the next day is Monday then I would ask dr. Gultom to give me a letter so I can get out on Tuesday.

In the afternoon, after my shower I laid down again. My wife and son, Willie, accompanied me while watching TV. Suddenly I felt cold and was shivering. My feet suddenly became very stiff and violently shaken as if the feet were moving on their own.

Panically my wife called the nurse and told her that I had fever. This type of symptom is quite normal so they just put a blanket on me without giving me any medicine. My body was so shaken due to cold and I already called on to Jesus, “ Jesus, Jesus, help me!

At that moment I felt my neck was strangled by something invisible and I couldn’t breathe. My wife saw that my face had turned blue and my feet were really stiff. Death was approaching me.

The nurses gathered near me and a man (Psychic) was called. I didn’t know that they thought I was “possessed” by evil spirit. I was asked who my name was, what my wife’s name was, and I shouted the answers furiously. I kicked all of them out from my bed side. They all then gathered near the door. They didn’t know what they should do. The senior nurse only asked me what I was feeling at that time, while I had stopped breathing a couple of minutes and waiting for death to come and get me. I couldn’t talk anymore, I was gasping for air and my eyes rolled up to the ceiling.

I could only use my own mind. And in my mind, I tried to communicate with the Lord at the last seconds of my life. I said,” Lord Jesus, I trust You. Help me, Lord. Add more time in my life, don’t take me now. Lisa’s burden is too much if I go now.” I kept lingering on that thought and asked God to extend my life.

At the upper left side of me, a door to another world had opened. Full of darkness. I thought maybe this is the hall for dead people. Then the same thought that haunted me came back again. Am I the enemy of the Lord? Will I be punished? Oh Lord, forgive me, I do not want to die now, please forgive all of my sins. With such tremor and fear I was fronting the death that is front of me. Yeah I felt this other world, the world of dead people, has opened. And I could start seeing the blurry world.

I don’t know when it had started but I felt that there was Someone approaching me from the upper left part. The people in the room would not be able to see any of what I was seeing. I was scrinching my eyes but as I still could view the room I saw a bright silhouette of Someone with a long hair looking like a westerner. I couldn’t see His face as it was dark but everything else was so bright. All of my thoughts, mind and soul suddenly knew that whoever that had just come was Jesus Himself. I don’t know how I got the knowledge but it must have been the Lord, no mistake, it was really HIM. And I could talk to him using my mind.

Then peace entered me and I feared no more. I was so afraid to die and get punished by God but then that I have met Him face to face as if I was seeing an old friend, I was not scared of anything.

“The Mind” of the Lord told me that I have to confess my faith in front of these people (family, nurse, and doctor). I had to admit that I had a problem with my weak faith and not believing in the Lord.

I answered Him in my mind. And to my astonishment, I was actually quite rude when talking with the Lord. I said – Lord, I can’t talk, I have a hard time breathing, my neck is being strangled. If I told them now that I see You, and that I believe in You, I think they will think I am crazy.

So I just stayed quietly and felt the pain my neck, and breath is gone a couple of minutes ago. I was so more scared to be called crazy rather than doing what He had told me to do. God was still watching me and then his face went up and slowly He was leaving me.

My soul told me that I was in danger! I have just rejected the Lord! My right hand tried to hold on to the Lord preventing Him to go. My wife was confused seeing my hands flopping around upward as if I was trying to grab on something.

With my last strength, I finally decided to confess my faith in front of all and in front of the Lord too. I didn’t care anymore whether they were going to think I have gone crazy, I shouldn’t worry about that now. Finally I got up.

“Doctor!”, I yelled. Strangely, why suddenly this strangling on my neck seems to loosen up abit, until I could breathe and talk again. I saw the silhouette of Jesus face moved toward my left side. What should I say? I was quiet. Everybody was waiting for me.

Suddenly I saw the writing in the air (in Indonesian). The Lord wanted to help me as to what to say, “Doctor, I have a problem with faith. All this while I never believed that I was saved.”

Everybody who was looking at me got confused. I then continue, “At this very moment the Lord Jesus is actually standing beside me. You must believe. God is writing in the air what I should be saying.” I saw the Lord writing as a sign that He is present. “God knows that You don’t believe Him, so please to prove that He is present, think of something in your mind, and I will tell you what you are thinking.”

Then I saw in the doctor’s chest writing that said “prayer” and then at the saem time I saw on my brother’s chest the writing “my brother has gone mad”

So I said,” Doctor, you have just thought of PRAYER. And you, Ferdy you have just thought that your brother has gone crazy, right?”. Ferdy got scared and answered,” Oh no, no, brother.”

I said,” Don’t deny it, it was God who told me.” Then finally Ferdy said yes that I was right.

I felt that these people truly knew that God who was invisible, was present there with them. I then continued reading the writing that was given by Lord Jesus,” I want to confess my faith. I believe in Jesus Christ, and MAYBE I have been saved.” Actually the Lord didn’t write “MAYBE” but I added that word because the fear of not being saved kept haunting me.

Then all of the sudden, my neck was strangled again by the Death. I should have not said MAYBE, but I should have said I AM! As soon as I corrected that “I AM SAVED” then my neck was let go and I could breathe again. That means I had correctly said what the Lord wanted me to say.

And then the Lord wanted me to say,” Now I AM healed!”. Then Jesus’ face was gone, and my body fell to the bed and I drenched with sweat. The attending doctor gave me an injection on my thigh to calm me down. My wife asked how I was as if she was talking to a crazy guy. The situation became very weird but I was not strangled anymore.

Thank you, Lord. I am alive again!

Then I went back to sleep with body still heavily sweat.

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The next day everything became normal. I no longer was seen as a weird man again. Ferdy told me that he prayed last night as a proof that God really came – Ferdy asked the Lord for me to be healed and to have no more fever. And his prayer was answered. Doctor Gultom didn’t know anything about what had happened that night and so he let me go on Tuesday.

The proof that I had met the Lord face to face was shown by the miracle of healing. The lab test shown that I didn’t have any dengue but it could be some other virus.

A few days later, my mind was still filled with the memory of the encounter with Lord Jesus. I praise the Lord, how many in this world actually confess their faith in front of Jesus? I am one of the very few. This is truly a blessing from God that I can not boast.

And now I understand that the unbelief of salvation is the thing that is very much disliked by the Lord. The word of the Lord told my soul everyday:

Matthew 10:32 "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven.

So our confession of faith from your mouth is very important. We must be brave to acknowledge the Lord so that He will acknowledge us in front of Father.

For my friends who don’t believe until now that you are saved and that you will go to heaven, eventhough you believe in Jesus Christ – I hope this testimony can help you ponder. Don’t even insult God who had paid for your sin by His blood on the cross. God has bought you and if you still don’t believe that you are saved that means you are insulting God. Believe in Him, and when you do, then that very second you are saved and can go to heaven.

God bless you all my friends

By Dwi Malistyo